Wednesday, August 11, 2010

X-Rated Morning Rituals

I think I provided my neighbours with quite a show this morning. Even more so than normal.

I have been known on a few occasions, to leave my house with interesting attire. There has even been a few occasions where my morning routine has consisted nothing more than throwing on some pants and walking out the door (having slept in a T-shirt and undies). This gal is SO not high maintenance...

This morning in particular, I was trying to retrieve something from my car as I needed it ASAP for someone waiting on the phone... This morning I skipped the whole pants thing (last night I had gone to bed wearing my boy-cut undies and a tank top, more than I wear at the beach) and my intention was a quick grab and go mission from the car.

But upon leaving my house this morning, I walked right into this gigantic spider web, with this pretty awesome specimen on it.

Back story - My porch has tons of these suckers, some pretty HUGE ones too, like the size of a fist HUge.  But we have come to an agreement that as long as they choose not to enter my dwelling, I will not affect theirs. I am from sort of the "let live" mentality. Up until today our agreement has gone unbroken, and they have been very courteous as to their web locations. Websites, giggle, we will call them...  (get it?? internet? websites, oh, nevermind...)

But not only did this particular website stretch right across the porch, there was also one stretched from from tree to tree out my little iron gate. Besides the probably very amusing eek/ew/spider web detangling dance that ensued, I was also trying to make sure the said little creature wasn't going down my pants... I think you can visualize the scene...

So not only did my little spidey dance and erratic arm waving attract some much undesired attention, but me screaming like a school girl, I am sure clinched it.

Oh Kelly..... I see I will be forming another more detailed contract with these little arachnids...

29 comments:

Ellen said...

oh my gosh... you live out loud too?! Girl - you are too funny! Maybe it's cause I can relate cuz I do it too-the forgetting the slim wardrobe and dashing out publicly, uh, yeah do that a lot!! I live in a fishbowl - with single for a reason men on both sides of my home... need I say more?

Unknown said...

At least you didn't take your shirt off....did you???

Kelly said...

Yes, yes I do, Ellen....

No, Katie, the girls stayed covered...today...

Jenn said...

I'd call it more of a PG 13 or maybe an R...
We have a couple of large garden spiders I have to stear clear of on my way to the recycle ane garbage bins. I often make trips out there in my pjs in the mornings. Thankfully I've always been fully clothed when I've entangled myself in their little spidery homes.

the Tsaritsa said...

I have a bunch of spiders living in my house, but I let them go because they eat the mosquitoes. But yeah, there's nothing like walking into a spider web. It's icky and odd and disorienting.

Kim said...

I just want to know two things. 1] did the spider live? 2] Were they tidy whities or boxers?

Very funny story. Thanks for sharing.

inactive said...

At least your legs weren't cargo pants black...LOL

inactive said...

At least your legs weren't cargo pants black...LOL

Kelly said...

Kim, yes the spider lived.....and they were actually pink cute little boy-cut panties.... :)
Michelle, I knew there was a plus side, LOL!!!!

Discovery Street said...

lmao!! I can totally visualize this...this is something that would happen to me, except knowing me I'd start screaming and all the neighbors would rush out.

Sherri said...

I hate those spider webs! I walk right through a variety of webs each and every morning... the spiders will build their webs between the two cars in the driveway... and each morning when I head out to get the paper, or take out the trash - smack! (ok, no smack involved) right across my face! in my hair, wrapped at least 3 times around my neck and arms... ugh! And then for the remainder of the morning I feel as though I have hundreds of the eight legged critters all over me... Maybe one day my smart human brain will remind me to go AROUND the cars...or not

Jules said...

Girl, you are just to funny. Did you know your mouth can leak while reading amusing blogs? I didn't, hand me a towel. lol :D
Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

Corine Moore said...

Your little spider dance gave me a good laugh as well as your neighbors. :) Glad it didn't bite you!

Mrs T said...

Eeekkk spiders creep me out. Especially ones that big!!

P.s. Thanks for stopping by my blog. Do you know - I did not find even ONE coconut bra in Hawaii. The closest we found was a kids costume that had a plastic clam shell bra - yeah, that wasn't going to cover much!

Anonymous said...

aww, I am SO sorry! I cannot stand when I walk into spider webs!!

Angela said...

Thank God we only have tiny spiders here, if freak out if they get bigger than my pinkie!

Lisa - Fine Sweet Life said...

I ran out the door once pulling on new undies and grabbing the juicy coutures on the floor. Then when I got my coffee and walked up Main Street,,,,yesterdays undies paid the sidewalk a visit right out of the pant leg. Talk about embarrasing! Dont you wish you could be invisible when you have to hurry up and do something sometimes????

Sarah said...

I'm dying right now. Mainly because that's funny, but more so because I am DEATHLY afraid of spiders. I make no contracts. I think mine goes something like this, if you're a spider anywhere near or in my dwelling, you will get killed. Guaranteed. I would DIE if I had huge ones just merrily spinning webs on my porch.

But on a side note, I so wish that was on video! That would be a classic!

Kelly said...

Ha Sarah....so glad no one was filming...

Kelly said...

Ha, Sarah...so glad no one was filming ...

Kelly said...

Kim, yes the spider lived.....and they were actually pink cute little boy-cut panties.... :)

Kelly said...

Michelle, I knew there was a plus side, LOL!!!!

Kelly said...

Yes, yes I do, Ellen...

Kelly said...

No, Katie, the girls stayed covered...today...

Kelly said...

Invisibility - could have used it that day...and probably a few others...I tend to have some less then stellar moments :) But from your story, I can see I am not the only one, LOL!!!

Kelly said...

Than you would hate my porch!!!!

Kelly said...

Well, are you telling me that you are incapable of splitting and hulling out a coconut then attaching with string and wearing one?? Huh, no deserted island for you, LOL!!!!

Kelly said...

You and me both!!!!

Kelly said...

Happy to make you drool :)

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