Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Balance, Willpower and Letting Go

My whole life sometimes seems like a balancing act, and sometimes I just throw caution to the wind and go with my inner child (like playing in the river in my undies when I should be working). Why does this ever changing equilibrium seem so elusive? Perhaps being a Gemini and having my two sides pulling at each other is to blame. Perhaps. Perhaps in some ways I am just a very simple girl trying to navigate in this very complex world.

Everything in moderation, is a good motto to have, and truthfully, I usually am pretty good at that. I can usually not stuff myself full of chocolate if given a whole box. Though essentially I like to take a little bite of each of them and then put them back. Times like these its nice to have just me and my peanut here, as we can both fully appreciate this desired tasting technique. A bag of chips, can last us both a week, and we can usually refrain from not using up a a whole package of sprinkles (preferred cupcake accessories) in one sitting - usually :)

I find in my growth and age wisdom slowly starting to seep its way through my consciousness. And in my search for happiness, cuz after all, isn't that what we all are striving for? Whatever that may mean to us? I have found that I am really happy with the person I have come to be.

Willpower gets a little low when watching re-runs of my favourite shows, or staying up until the wee hours of the morning creating when I know full well I really should be getting at least some sleep. Even when I know what is going to happen on the show, there is a thirst to see what will happen. When creating, I just get on a high, and time and space are irrelevant. I even have to remind myself to eat!

Here's where life gets tough for me. Friendships. I'm one of those people who cherishes these. And in some ways, still views them through childlike eyes. I am loyal to a fault, and would do anything for a friend. The problem is, there are many people out there who view friendships very differently than me. Which in its own way is good, because as my mom always used to say, this world would be in trouble with more than one of me!! And differences are what make this world so wonderful. But it is also what makes it so heart wrenching.

I still believe in those friendships that occur in two individuals that results in that everlasting bond. The kind spit packs and blood sisters are made from. Unfortunately as we get older, distance, money, husbands and wives, hormones and politics often get in the way. Sometimes letting go of old friends is an option that is chosen, for some. The pain of separation was written beautifully from one of my high school friends, here. Who ironically caused me quite a bit of it when we unsuspectingly parted ways.

Letting go of people, things and ideas can be difficult. Goodbyes have never been one of my strong suits, and for someone who feels things very deeply, downright painful at times. And for one who still believes in a handshake and pinky swear, adulthood has its challenges. But I am learning that the truer I am to my authentic self, the closer it brings me to people who share my views. And discovering, or sometimes re-discovering kindred spirits can't be anything but good! They make this girl's heart smile :)

I will leave you with one of my favourite songs Any Day Now by the Watchmen. And wow, I just googled the lyrics, apparently I've been singing the chorus wrong, oh well, I like my version better !
If you see me standing a little funny, with my nose all scrunched up, I am trying to balance like a one legged man, waiting for my any day now...

31 comments:

  1. I am glad to know that I am not the only one who has trouble stepping away from creating. I am constantly exhausted when I am inspired. I have to see it through. :)

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  2. i like to taste all the different types of chocolates too! :)

    I'm with you on the friendship thing...I often felt like I was always making "deposits" of time into friends lives and never felt any of it come back. Goodbyes always suck...but I've realized that everyone prioritizes differently.

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  3. I'm loyal to a fault too. I was just telling my mom to be careful what she does for her apartment neighbors (she was complaining about not getting appreciation) because there are plenty of people out there that take advantage. They're perfectly ok with letting people do things for them and not returning the favor!

    I didn't really understand the value of a friendship until I got older. Now I miss them :)

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  4. I am also loyal to a fault and I'd like to think of friends or people that mean something to us as comets. They'll be back when there orbit crosses ours once again. At least that is my thought :)
    Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

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  5. Isn't amazing how much differently we view things when age & wisdom catch up to us? Learning to be happy with yourself, comfortable in your own skin...this will bring more happiness than any person or thing you may encounter... congratulations on getting to that place within yourself! So many don't every really get there...

    I don't get lost in creating per se, but put me in front of a computer that is broken or a game that needs tweaking and I'm a goner! I will spend hours, nay - days in front of it without realizing how much time has gone by! I know it's bad when I forget to smoke a cigarette from time to time LOL

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  6. Yes, life is one big balancing act and we all are struggling to keep our head above water in so many areas. Pinky swears aren't forever and I hate that. I enjoyed this blog because I am a too-deep thinker too.
    Thank you!

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  7. Tashmica, yep, creative with bags under my eyes :)
    Ruthy Ann, yep, one thing I am working on is acceptance of others and their priorities...doesn't mean I have to agree...
    Momma Drama, I have learned quality not quanity when it comes to many things, including friends.
    Jules, I like that astrological point of view :)
    Sherri, yep, older better & stronger :)
    Thank you, Rose, I love hearing what all of you have to say :)

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  8. Friendship has been hard for me as an adult. I find that I am often the one doing all the giving. A couple of years ago, I parted ways with a friend after I came to that realization. It was difficult for me, but the friendship was no longer healthy for me. Sometimes it's hard, but good to move on. Great post!

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  10. Sometimes it is better to leave friendships behind, especially those that aren't healthy. I found my own self severing ties with people that I've known for years simply because it was the better choice.

    Thanks for stopping by.

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  11. Hi Kelly,

    It's amazing that you wrote this as I recently wrote about the relationship changes in my blog. I seem to be going through a time when all of my relationships are shaking, quaking, breaking or just changing.... very very odd. Anyway, I absolutely relate to all you wrote about in this post, maybe it's because I'm Gemini as well ;)) and was a single mom to a amazing little girl who is all grown up now :O
    Love love love your blog!

    Ellen

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  12. I've never stayed so late as since I've started writing again! Time just evaporates!

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  13. Getting older and wiser means we have a history to learn from. It's mostly learning about ourselves. What feels right in a relationship (any kind) and what doesn't.
    For myself, I learned that I needed to understand what boundaries are and start to get some. It's fascinating to see what happens and who can't accept the boundaries we make for ourselves. Boundaries are different for different situations or people. Different with Peanut than the person behind the supermarket register. I think that's what achieving balance is. Centered in ourselves and observing the world around us. Being a loyal friend is a gift but it means having a loyal friend on the other end of the see-saw, finding balance together. Your doin' it, Kelly.
    BTW, when I was a kid and a box of candy turned up, I always stuck my thumb in the bottom of a piece to see if I might like it. If I didn't, I put it back in its little brown paper. HaHaHa.

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  14. I totally understand the high and rush of creating - getting in the groove - and suddenly you look down, it's 5am and your alarm is set for 6am...but the lack of sleep is TOTALLY worth it!

    Found you through BlogFrog! :-) New follower now!

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  15. I've hated goodbyes. Even as a child. I cried through preschool graduation! But relationships take 2 people, and sometimes, no matter how much you put into it, they can come to an end.

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  16. This is so true, Liz, and when old ones leave, new ones begin....

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  17. Hi Kelly! I'm now following you over from BlogFrog! Looking forward to visiting you! : )

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  18. This is a heartwarming, beautiful post. Creating balance takes effort and friendships do change over time... I am blessed to know you Kelly.
    As they say, "you are good people" Have a great weekend and please clue me in to the Follow Friday Pay it Forward idea. sounds great!
    Eliz

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  19. I am mostly like you when it comes to friendships; however in recent years, I have,let's say become more authentic in my friendships. I no longer allow actions I find unacceptable to continue and dependent on the action, I am willing to end the friendship even if it means I am left heartbroken. I did this with a 19-year friendship recently; however, after some effort on my friend's part, we are mending and moving forward. Everything in life takes effort and I find myself constantly reevaluating how much is enough. Thanks for this post.

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  20. Cheryl, glad you popped by!
    eof777, that is very kind of you to say, I am thoroughly enjoying getting to know so many of you :) Pay it Forward fridays are about random acts of kindness, and celebrating the people who do :) Check us out!
    Janis, boundaries have taken me some time to, but I am getting better with them :)

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  21. Very thought-provoking post and song. I am curious about your version of the chorus.

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  22. This is so true, Liz, and when old ones leave, new ones begin....

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  23. Tashmica, yep, creative with bags under my eyes :)

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  24. Ruthy Ann, yep, one thing I am working on is acceptance of others and their priorities...doesn't mean I have to agree...

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  25. Momma Drama, I have learned quality not quanity when it comes to many things, including friends.

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  26. Jules, I like that astrological point of view :)

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  27. >Sherri, yep, older better & stronger :)

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  28. Thank you, Rose, I love hearing what all of you have to say :)

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  29. eof777, that is very kind of you to say, I am thoroughly enjoying getting to know so many of you :) Pay it Forward fridays are about random acts of kindness, and celebrating the people who do :) Check us out!

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  30. Janis, boundaries have taken me some time to, but I am getting better with them :)

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